$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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