i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
