I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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