remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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