It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize