did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
