I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
