Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
