You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
