You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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