ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize