i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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