ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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