One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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