I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
