so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
