some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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