gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize