Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
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