when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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