Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
