I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
