i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
