hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
