I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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