The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
