Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Your cock deserves a montage
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
