Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
