Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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