She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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