the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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