I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
