And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
