We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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