Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize