you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
