you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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