She went from zero to smokin in five shots
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
