You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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