considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
