I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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