I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
