I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
