fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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