Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
