his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize