Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
