I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
