Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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