Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
