bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
