come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
