And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
