He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
