Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
