oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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