Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
