Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I can't put those talents on a resume
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
