Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
