If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
