if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize