Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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