dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
now i know why i became what i already was.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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