I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
