i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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